Choice to Choose
There was a time most recently where I would literally think myself into what many may refer to as depression, because I was thinking of everything I could’ve done differently in life, the other choices I could’ve made but didn’t, going right instead of left, you get my point. I found myself in constant thought about the life I was living vs. the life I thought I could be living.
As each day passes, I began to realize that my thoughts are keeping me bound to a past that I have to release in order to grow. Quite frankly, I know it’s nothing more than a trick being played with my mind. Instead of thinking about the many opportunities that I now have, my thoughts kept me bound thinking about the opportunities I once had.
Now more than ever before, I realize that I have to guard my mind and my heart. I realize that we are living in dangerous times not only from the perspective of what is currently going on in society, but also what is going on in the realm of what we cannot see with the natural eye. Never have I ever found myself being so distracted by current events, work and even life itself to the point where I felt I couldn’t focus on God. Do you know how much I struggle to read the word? The Bible? I’m talking about the tangible item, not the app on the phone. I could easily open up the Bible app and read a plan, a few scriptures here and there, but this battle of 2020, yeah this is something deeper.
I’m realizing that during this time of dwelling on my past, the devil had me right where he wanted me and quite frankly if it had not been for my upbringing I would relapse. I’m not addicted to drugs or alcohol, I was addicted to satisfying my flesh. What I mean by that is that I wanted to do what I wanted to do. I wanted to do whatever my flesh wanted to do. I started thinking I had forever to live and that I would “have time to get it right.”
This whole time, my flesh has been battling my spirit. This may not make sense to you but I could literally see my flesh battling my spirit and quite frankly, the longer I stay away from the word, the weaker I become. I have always been surrounded by the word, stayed in the word, but now that I’ve moved away from family, I don’t have that support. Now, it’s truly all about MY relationship with God.
As I began to find myself drifting away from God, hatred began to develop in my heart. There were certain behaviors that tried to creep back and I knew it was nobody but the enemy. He knows that if he can get us so far from the will of God that we will relapse into our old lifestyle and begin to want to fulfill the flesh rather than seek the will of God for our lives. I found myself thinking, “I just wanna do me, I’ll get it together eventually” but I can say without a doubt that God has a special calling on my life. He’s still calling my name.
The holy spirit has been using so many people to speak to me indirectly. And as I would lay down, the holy spirit would speak to me. Imagine laying down hearing “I will take you in the middle of your sin! You will not live to see your baby grow up!” And you know what, I found myself saying…”I’m tripping, I’m imagining things and I still have a long time to live.” I was playing Russian Roulette with my life. I couldn’t believe that I was actually turning my back on God. I was saying I loved him with my lips but my flesh desired something else. It wanted something else.
Now more than ever before, I know I cannot afford to get so caught up doing me that God calls me home and I slip up and get called home. I don’t want anyone to have to lie about where I spend my eternity. It’s between me and God but I want my loved ones to have peace in their heart knowing I am with the Lord. I thought it would get easier living for God but right now, I’m in a season of tests. I’ve failed a few, passed a couple and others are in progress. I want to make it in and I want you to get there too.
I don’t want to die and go to hell. I don’t want to miss the rapture and I definitely don’t want to be left behind during the tribulation period. I can’t allow this temporary flesh to make me miss a heavenly eternity. If you’re reading this and you know you’re struggling, I encourage you to pray and talk to God for yourself. At the end of your life, it’s all about you and God. Don’t be left behind. Choose eternity with God.
This video popped up on youtube while I was looking at HAIR videos……yep, BLACK HAIR videos and this guy pops up. I pray it blesses you too.