People! What’s up?!?!?! It’s been a while since I’ve sipped my own tee, nevertheless, ya girl is back on the scene and my how things have changed. I’ve decided to take a different approach to my posts these days as life has shown me that my happiness matters. And so does my truth….so prepare to read whatever is on my mind.
Most recently my cousin Sha’Nee and I were talking about our relationships with our fathers and how it affected the type of relationships we have with men. Now don’t get me wrong, we love our dads, but the decisions they made at a younger age has affected us at a more mature age in life if you get what I’m saying.
In the small town of Grady Arkansas, I lived on a country dirt road. My best childhood days consisted of riding on gravel with my cousins while being chased by my grandmother’s neighbor’s dog. Now that I think about it, all I had to do was bark back and they would’ve left me alone, but no I was too busy peddling fast. Quite frankly their barks were bigger than their bites…ol snaggle tooth dogs! Anyway, you could see a mile away that someone was coming down the road as most vehicles created a large cloud of dirt as they approached their destination.
Many days I watched for a cloud of dust on promised time that may or may not have been given to me. However, because of his position in my life, I felt obligated even at a young age to accept the disappointments. Time after time I allowed myself to get my hopes up only to get let down which has honestly played into my adult life. I guess that’s why I prepare for the worst, hope for the best and never allow myself to believe anyone’s promise. God taught me at an early age that he was the only person who could not fail on his promises. Unfortunately as I grew older, I allowed my heart to be broken again by my first real boyfriend in high school. He taught me all about lying because with him, I remained on a path of disappointments. I guess once again, because of who he was in my life, I felt as if it was okay to accept. The crazy thing about it was that he didn’t deserve me and I knew it. Yet, I allowed it to take place and thank God the only thing I left the relationship with was a beautiful baby girl.
Now, fast-forward into adulthood……can you believe I unknowingly allowed this to happen to me again? I mean, as women and men, often times we say what we want and what deserve and what we ain’t deal put up with, yet we allow ourselves to end up in the same mess over and over again. For some, it clicks, but for some of us, it doesn’t click soon enough. Looking back on my life, there were missed opportunities to be truly loved, but because I never felt I deserved true love, I just took what was convenient to me which quite honestly was disappointment. I allowed it because of what I thought was normal, yet the craziest thing is that my stepdad always came through on his promises! Just saying, you would’ve thought I would’ve done better, but I guess disappointment became part of my DNA and maybe I thought love was disappointment.
As a mother now, I can only pray that my daughters/sister, will know the meaning of true love. I want them to understand that there are men who make promises and keep them. There will always be liars and I pray neither of them encounter those individuals. Of course the only person incapable of failing is God, but there really is someone out there for them that will love them the way they deserve. I pray that my sons will grow up and love the right way. I’m thankful that they have kind hearts and I hope as they continue to grow that they realize how important it is to truly love. At 35, I understand more than ever that love is an action and is far beyond words……..male influences, please realize how important it is to keep your promises to your daughters and mothers….women, keep those promises to your sons also as your relationship with them can affect their relationship with women. I know there’s no way possible to change the world drastically at one time, but perhaps if parents understood how important it is to show our children how much we loved them, we could change the relationships in the world….one promise of love at a time.